So, Mr. Mister is typically a pleasant fellow to be around. I think this is because I make life pretty damn easy for him. I fix his meals, I do his laundry, I care for our children, I run the errands, I clean our home on a mostly regular basis, I buy the gifts and remember the family parties. I don’t demand spa days or designer purses. I don’t get bi-weekly manicures. I don’t even GET manicures. My clothes come from the Goodwill or the Target, or if it’s after Christmas, Kohls. I bargain hunt, I go without, and I barter with a friend for some services rendered. I RARELY say no if you know what I’m sayin’ and I think you do. I’m a damn good catch.
I’m not saying he’s not. He is. He provides very well for us. He’s not an angry, violent man. He’s even tempered and funny and cute to boot. He loves and cares for us. He seldom gets angry. He seldom has reason to get angry because I WORK DAMN HARD TO KEEP HIM HAPPY.
That said, sometimes he just pisses me off. Financially, if there’s something he wants… say an in-ground pool/new hard drive/entertainment system/lawn mower… we have the money. If it’s something I want… a couch that isn’t broken/new kitchen table/updated kitchen… suddenly I need to get a job or “save [my] money.”
Let me address this: I HAVE A FUCKING JOB, YOU MORON. That food you’re eating? Those clothes your wearing? Those kids who just got dropped off at practice? I MADE THAT HAPPEN. Also? All “my money?” Yeah, that went to feed/clothe/transport/entertain us. The 5 of us. And I personally get very little from it, so STFU and redo my kitchen.
Here’s a little reality check for you Mr. Mister. Were I to “get a job” I would leave home before the girls got to school. I would return well after they got home. I would have to arrange for childcare for The Negotiator. I would have to arrange for sick care and car pools and back up car pools. Laundry would not get done, meals would be frozen or take out, housework would be sporadic and not up to your standards. More would be spent to compensate for the lack of time and attention I’d be able to give to ANYTHING. It would, in fact, make your life HARDER.
Oh, and when you counter argue that the reason we could afford that pool was because you started an E*Gay business to pay for it? To that I say BULLSHIT! See the paragraph above. Your “second job” made my life HARDER. I went it alone for nearly 2 years (especially from October to January) because you were busy with friggin’ e*bay. I picked up the slack *and* I helped you photograph, package, and send and was made to feel guilty when I didn’t. WHO WILL BE HERE TO PICK UP THE SLACK WHEN I “GET A JOB?!”
Yeah. That’s what I thought.