Can somebody please tell me why….
Why did I come into this room?
Why am I holding a hacksaw in one hand and a ‘Guide To Plant Reproduction’ in the other?
Why did I open the refrigerator door and then go upstairs for 30 minutes, leaving it open the entire time?
Why their coats are in the car?
Why their shoes are in the car?
Why their Toothbrushes are in the car?
Why is my favorite push up bra from Target in the car? (oops- that may be my husband’s fault- never mind)
Why can I not find my Birth Control pills?
Why is my hair not flaming red anymore?
Why can’t I figure out how to make a cute little Blog Roll to the right of this post like everybody else does?
Why anybody gives a shit what ANY of the Presidential candidates have to say about ANYTHING?
Why anyone thinks it is possible to have a ‘Happy Period’? (This one is more of a WTF than a WTH)
Why y’all are insistent on using crappy hair products? (Jesus says ‘Come As You Are’, but I say ‘Come With Your Hair Done’).
Why he won’t let me get my very own set of ‘real’ boobies? (There is still room on the Credit Cards & I promised I would share them with him)
Why I still do not have a ‘nice’ Camper with my very own Potty & Shower inside?
Why I miss my Special Lady Friend Without The Sex so much already?
Why I am too chicken to audition for a singing role at church?
Why my family refuses to celebrate my Birthday for an entire month?
Why Bono didn’t notice me last Summer at Soldier Field? (It’s because my hair wasn’t flaming red, wasn’t it?)
Why somebody won’t clean my furry toilets?
Why YOU are even reading this? (It’s because you like pain, isn’t it? I KNEW you did, dirty bird)
Why I am still writing this? (It’s because I am BORED and avoiding house work, isn’t it?)
**If, by any chance, you can answer any of the above questions, I would be MOST appreciative. But NOT so appreciative that I share my new ‘real’ boobies with you. Sorry for any inconvenience that may cause. **
I did read this! From beginning to end.. and you are a dirty bird, my friend. Thanks for the laughs, thanks for the giggles.. now I must go find my pet Squiggles..
and yes.. I read it because I recently found out I am a masochist… and I have some catching up to do!
have a most lovely day! and what’s with these “new real boobies” !?!?!
(Heavy Sigh). Darlene, the thing is, I am still waiting for Puberty to hit my upper body. And what little I had was ravaged by babies.
I.WANT.BOOBIES.
Babies are the worst ever for your boobs. They ought to teach that in sex ed in schools…maybe that will help prevent a lot of pregnacies.
I read it b/c I love your blogs!
Wish I had answers for ya honey. Trust me, if I did I’d be more than happy to share!
Thanks! I love love love yours tooooooooooooooo! MUAH!
whew- i don;t know any of the answers – I was hoping I could at least help you with yours but…uh uh..cept the frig…butterfly?
I was CERTAIN you would be able to help me with the answers!!
Damn!
Today I am chasing sparkly caterpillers….
oooooooooooo…sparky caterpillars well that definitely explains the length of time the frig was open – they aren’t the fastest little critters… in fact while it may not give you the answers – at least you know WHY you don;t know why….like that helps right?
YES! It makes perfect sense Lizzieeeee!!
They were really slow sparkly caterpillars- but sooooo purity!
they turn into the best butterflies too – which makes one think it would be best to put them out of our misery but …as butterflies they don’t cause as much confusion – and who could hurt such beauty? Now- if you get an infestation – that;s a whole other story but we don;t need to go there….
Love it!! Lots of those questions are ones I ask myself regularly! And I promise myself to have my flaming red hair looking its best and ready for when George Clooney hits these shores in the summer – he won’t miss me, he’s got better eyesight than Bono!!
And last question, why am I still writing here and not going to sleep…..
What shores will George Clooney be hitting?
Get that red hair fired up girlie!!
He’s visiting Ireland this summer to trace his irish family roots. So I’ll just have to have my Irish (hair) roots ready for him!!
I read because you are hysterical! You make my day!
Well I would say the same about you and that Wonderbutt of yours!! And your dog Wonderbutt, too ;o)
I do have a Wondrous Butt, come to think of it.
I too have often wondered why I don’t have boobies. I wanted to mount them on the wall to rub on my way in and out of the house.
Fortunately, I had my girl to explain that why to me…
Sigh…
Could you ask her why I don’t have any yet? I just cannot figure it out!
Oh, and, Mr Popular is blowin up my inbox with his Freshly Pressed status! You are very Guapular- well done!!
She wonders if you have wall space to mount them.
*(Note – this was said to me with a resignedly amused “Why Am I Having This Conversation” expression)
And thanks. My hands are killing me from all the replies.
By the way, that’s the post that was written to draw out the conspiracy folks.
So really, it belongs to you and Hobbler too!
I have wall space, I have wall space!!!
But I don’t want them on my wall.
Oh.My.Gawd.- So, in reality, Hobbler & myself were Freshly Pressed too! Wait, no, never mind- I have no idea what you are talking about.
Get Off My Internets!
To set up the blogroll, go to
Dashboard > Appearance > Widgets > Links.
Drag taht to one of hte widget areas you have available on the right.
Set up a category called Blogroll, and start adding links.
Let me know if you have any confusion.
Related to this.
Not your normal confusion…
I’ve already tried that and I can’t do it
(
Did you drag it to the first primary widget area?
Also, after you set it up, go to Links (left side under dashboard), delete the WP crap, then add your own. See if it comes up…
You can DO it Sister!! wow you can delete the WP crap? who knew?
We are the wind beneath his wings…except we were unfortunately a little more visible.
Oh My Gawd! It;s an Award!
http://runningnakedwithscissors.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/tmi-is-a-good-thing/
Loved it… sorry about the boobs. They are overrated, I find mine most useful for folding laundry when you don’t have a table.
I don’t care what anyone says, I still want my very own Boobies- and not the kind I buy at Target!
I am tempted to say no boobies means no answers, but I would never think such a thought, so don’t take your care to Mr. Clean for an inside cleaner but clean your toilet.
Why I can’t answer any of these question??
I would submit that the reason you cannot answer any of these questions is because you are not certifiably insane like I am.
Okay I think you are right.. well I’ll try to be Insane like you and then I’ll try to find out the answers. :p
Ginger…. the question re: the hacksaw and the “Guide To Plant Reproduction” is obvious to the most casual observer; you’re preparing to indulge in an adult beverage. I can also make a good solid guess as to why nobody will clean the furry toilets; everyone you’ve asked has full vision, and relatively fastidious habits. As to the others, well, some things are just meant to be mysterious, I suppose…. how else would any of your housework not get done?…Take care, keep laughing, and Blessed Be…. say hi to Cracked, her website is one I’ve been unable to get to, due to unsolicited access problems with a number of my favorite sites… and I have my certification right up on the refrigerator with the other stuff I think is important enough….
Great post!
That is a great observation Gigoid, however, I am no longer allowed to drink adult beverages. So what is your next guess?
Also, how is the World Domination coming along? I am a very impatient person and I need to have people underneath my rule in order to feel special and loved unconditionally.
Good choice, however reluctant or difficult it may have been; the price is right, yes? My next guess would involve you, your husband, and the impulse behind the mention of the push-up bra in the car…. or if not, it should have been….
Oh, you hadn’t noticed? I took over last Thursday, at midnight…. in stealth mode. “They” don’t even have a clue that they are all now acting out my will…. heh, heh, heh…. so, hang in there, it’s going quickly, and you and Lizzie may even get a nice Christmas present…..
Ah-HAH! I think you may be on the right trail my friend! Which is exactly why you will be the FIRST leader in the World Domination Takeover!
I like Christmas presents! Something shiny & sparkly and glitterie, please.
Why do I laugh and feel sorry for you at the same time? (Or should that be a how question? Do a How question page)…
Hey, guess what? In these few short days, you have now become my ‘Top Commenter’! Congratulations!
I talk too much.
There is no such thing as ‘talk too much’ around here! Carry on!
Carry on, indeed…