Psst-can somebody please tell me how I get myself into these things?
There I was, minding my own Gingery business, putting out some kick-ass poetry, when along came a spider and sat down beside her….oh, no, wait- that’s not right, it was more like this: along came Mr. Silly Person and he was practically begging me (not really-sometimes I exaggerate in order to draw the audience in and to make you think I am waaay cooler than I really am) to write something with him. Some people have no shame. I swear, to the best of my knowledge and awful short term memory, that this is what really happened.
Yeah, so anyway, Mr. Silly Person, aka, Edward Hotspur and myself, aka, The Most Gingerlicious GingerSnaap in all the GingerLand, have written a little sumthin-sumthin for your reading pleasure. Any other ‘pleasure’ you want to have while reading this is fine with me, as long as you don’t make a mess and take pictures. Sharing is caring.
I now present to you, for your pleasure of reading or pleasure of something else, our top notch meeting of the sarcastic minds…
I love you all
Don’t get me wrong
But I need a little break
A snotty nose
A pile of clothes
It’s all too much to take
There are oh so many times
When I think ‘okay, that’s it’
I hear ‘honey’
I mentally add ‘badger’
And stop giving a shit
You smell like you’re homeless
Ever heard of a bath?
Is that stench from your ass, or a rotten fishcake?
He puked in the car
She broke the new flat screen
And one hundred vicodin won’t dull this mental ache.
They’re driving me insane
But I remember that badger
All bad-ass and nasty
They eat things like you for breakfast
To restore order to their domain
You did it again?
You did it again?
Should I make a recording and play it
So that every time you mess something up I don’t have to say it?
He wants this meal, she wants that
How many meals do I have to make?
Eat a vegetable – it won’t kill you
But I might if you don’t grab a plate
And no you don’t look fat in that
This honey badger swears
Do you seriously own any clothes that suck? No?
Then you look good in everything you wear!
“I miss you baby”, you said with a wink
“Come give me some honey, please just one drink”
Oh, you want some of this? A taste of my nectar?
Your chances are better with Rosie of Palm-
Add some soap, and keep that mess in the sink
“But I’m starving”,you cry in a whimpering fit
“Your body I must have, I’ll go quickly,in a lickity split!”
Baby I told you once, I told you ten times
Your honey badger’s much too busy
Simply not giving a shit
I’ve got new batteries, clean sheets on the bed
I will sail on with this rubberized weasel
No shit’s will be given, full speed ahead!
I see you dancing seductively
But let’s be honest about why
Could it be that shopping spree
You’re trying to distract me from?
They were on sale!
You proudly proclaim I saved so much money!
You’re looking pretty good there, I admit
But here’s a file marked Badger, Honey
And it’s completely filled with not giving a shit
You may be grinding against the middle
But I can’t help but suspect
You’re really grinding slightly to my right
On the pocket where my wallet is kept
Oh honey, badger me not about your ‘wallet’ too small
Lest you forget I don’t give a shit, like not now, like not at all
I dance from my bladder ruptured and weak
Because of these flesh eating rodents called “kids”
Made from that drunken night,with my back against a wall.
We’re far from where we started, our sanity swept away
Goodbye went our youthfulness, farewell to risqué
Your breath reminds me of toxic gas
The children are acting like rabid trolls
But shit’s I gave have left the building, hear them shouting “HOORAY”!
Honey the Badger is no weakly lame-duck
And since we’re out of shit’s to give
How about instead, we don’t give a fuck!
Edward Hotspur and The Most Gingerlicious GingerSnaap in all The GingerLand.
(This is the first time I have ever ‘signed’ my name at the end of one of my posts) (Ed is kind of uppity that way.) (What?) (Gawd, it was a joke) (Kind of) (Sometimes he’s mean, too) (GingerBadger don’t give a shit) (The End)