Okay, so it’s not really “Hellis”, it’s “H.E. Ellis”, but “HELLIS” is much easier to write and gives me a jolly sense of jolliness when I shout it out really loud like this…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY HELLIS!!
Yes, you read that right, our very own Hellis is celebrating another Birthday and all of you are going to go wish her the Happiest of Days, right now, right here. No, not here on this blog, but HERE, on her blog! NOW! GO! OHMYGAAAAWD, just do what I say!
How do I love a Hellis, let me count the ways, or some sappy bullshit like that…
* She was my first. My numero uno. She was the one who took my blogging virginity, and oh, how I liked it. Somehow, about 1 1/2 years ago, the WordPress stars aligned and I stumbled upon (because I am clumsy as fuck and I ‘stumble upon’ often) her corner of the blog universe, and I left my first comment on a blog, like ever. Sigh. She then returned the favor and left a comment on my pitiful newbie blog, and I have been in love with her ever since. Back off bitches, she’s mine. She was, like I said up there already and you would know that if you were fucking paying attention, my first. One never forgets their first.
* We bonded over our ADHD and the fact that our kids also have the divine disorder. Whenever I am feeling down on myself and it’s ADHD related, Hellis is always on the horizon with a comment or two of encouragement. Always. She gets me. She also gets my multiple personalities.
* She writes books! And she writes them very goodly! Although I like to read books/blogs/magazines and such, my ADHD often makes it difficult for me to actually read an entire book without getting bored with it….. but Hellis has written a FANTASTIC little bit of prose called THE GODS OF ASPHALT and I read it in 48 hours last year! WHOOT! If she can make me do that, then she is a goddess worthy of your attention!! BUY IT RIGHT NOW. Oh, and I cannot forget to mention her book series called REAPERS WITH ISSUES about the Grim Reaper himself, and ICONIC INTERVIEWS , which is a collaboration with other bloggers/ authors- you WILL check all of these out, or else!
* Since Hellis was my introduction into WordPress land, it’s because of her that I met so many other great, funny, talented, silly, perverted, brilliant, psycho, stalkery, witty, amazing and adorable bloggers. I am 56% sure this is a good thing… I’m kidding! I kid! I’m such a kidder! It is, without a doubt, 100% a very good thing! Hellis attracts the best of the best because she is one of the best herself!
* Did you know that she is a mama to three flesh eaters? She is a rockstar mama who allows her kids to be who they are. She is also a mama who practices what she preaches. I wish she was my mama. Sigh.
* Although she is only 5 foot short, I am certain she could kick any and all of our assessssssss ( should I have put an apostrophe in there somewhere? I fucking hate my tragic grammar skillz because, tragic.). Dynamite comes in small packages, yo.
* Hellis likes SPAM . Don’t know what SPAM is? Better go find out for yourself!
* Hellis is good at spreading love throughout blog land by highlighting the works/books of other bloggers, because she is awesome.
* Frank Stallone - don’t mess with him.
* I want to be her Special Lady Friend, without the sex, of course.
* She is a romantic
* Hellis is very, very shiny! For reallies!
I think by now you all get the point!
H.E. ELLIS IS A ROCKSTAR!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, MY FRIEND, AND CHEERS TO MANY, MANY MORE!
Since it is your birthday, I am going to lend out my Beloved David Beckham to you, for the next 24 hours! *DO NOT LICK OFF HIS TATOOS!*
I Love you longtime, Hellis!

Stuph
Posing
As
Meat
Close, but Hellis has a different kind of SPAM at her place, silly!
*snort* Then she’s WRONG!!!!!
OH! I triple dog DARE YOU to tell her that! You’re gonna get your asssss kicked…
*WooSnortHoo*
I told YOU! That’s enough talking for one day…
There is no such thing as ‘enough talking for one day’, you fool! FOOL! MISTA FOOL!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, slappy. You’re getting a little too excited there.
And?
Shhhh, I’m busy now.
Well, looks who’s got an attitude cause I can dance better than her.
Pfft. I always have an attitude.
You refused the dance off. Because you cannot dance better than me.
To save you embarrassment.
Oh daddy, my entire being is embarrassing, no need to save me from it.
But at least you know I care enough to try.
Your level of caring warms my cold feet. So does dancing. Dancing warms my cold feet.
If it only warms your cold feet, can I assume that means you have no heart?
You may assume, believe, preach, bathe, shout, eat, sing, and concur it. Yes.
Bathe? Were you playing Mad Libs with this comment? “Quick! Give me a verb! Any verb!”
And I will concur. Like a fucking doctor!!
I counter concur with your concurring.
I don’t know what the hell you just did, but since you didn’t do it like a doctor you did it wrong. Please stop failing.
Awwww, it’s cute that you have a crush on me. Sigh.
I fail not. I am un-fail-able.
A crush? How could I not have a crush on someone who after on day of Twittering told me she loved me. I can’t help but reciprocate.
I know, right? I’m awesome like that. Always have been, always will be.
I concur. Like a doctor.
And again I counter concur your concurring. Like a GingerSnaap, bitches!
You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
It means whatever I want it to mean, daddy.
Fail.
No, I won’t marry you, but thank you for the offer.
I thought you were a loser and didn’t drink?
I’m an alcoholic who doesn’t drink, but I dance. Better than you. And I’m pretty.
I can’t argue the pretty part, but I’m Unshitty™, and that’s better.
*snort*
Who says you’re unshitty?
Nevermind- I gotta go pick up some flesh eaters, but I’ll be back and then you can beg for my forgiveness and we can air kiss and make up. Wait right there! Because I said so.
Um, I’m going home. And I was the inaugural recipient of the Unshitty™ blog award and the person that nominated me is beyond reproach. So step off!
I’m not down with the forgiveness, but I’m all about air kissing and making up.
Umm,I’m sitting down so I cannot step off.
And you don’t HAVE to go down for my forgiveness, you only need to ask for it. While standing. Or sitting is fine. Then the air kiss!
What exactly do I need to be forgiven for?
Hell if I know anymore! That’s the beauty of ADHD!
A drink to ADHD!! Hurrah!
What a Snaapy birthday message! Happy happy, HE! <3 xxx
Thanks, Red!!
So without Hellis… or Hell Yes as I am now going to call her, you would never have met me? You owe her so much…
Wow…I AM awesomesauce! Who knew?
We all knew.
(S)He is the best androgonously named blogger ever!
Yes I/he/she is!
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Watching TwinDaddy and Ginger banter is like watching dinner theater!
Should we charge admission?
***confetti***
Can I lick AROUND his tattoos?