Much Ado About My Tragic Grammar Skills

This may come as a hugely bigly giantish surprise to you, but my grammar and spelling skills suck. They are worse than those of a 2-year-old born in Russia on the icy tundra who wouldn’t know a pencil if she saw one, let alone be able to speak, or write, or color inside the damn lines, in English. The only thing 2 year olds are good at are soiling their pants, throwing tantrums, and looking cute…as am I. What? FOUR flesh eaters have crawled out of my snatch, sometimes I pee involuntarily because of it, jerks.

Anyway, this whole grammar thing really has my soiled panties in a wad. It is often I find myself sweating like a whore in church on Sunday who is in the middle of a menopause hotflash in the middle of August in Ohio when it comes to deciding where to put the apostrophe. I know there are rules for these kinds of problems, but I have never really liked rules and I don’t think they ever apply to me, or some stupid bullshit like that, yo. For instance, let us say that I want to use the word “boy” in a plural form…. I will bring myself to damn near crocodile tears deciding if it is boys, boys’, or boyz’z’z’z’z‘!!! And here is a funny thought- when Skater Boy, who is now 11, was a 4th grader, he had a homework planner notebook thingy, and inside of it there are pages with maps of the states, units of measurement, mathy type crap, and a few pages on punctuation/ grammar. You know I straight up tore out those punctuation/grammar pages so I could use them as cheaters. But in true Ginger dumb ass fashion, they don’t apply to me, meaning, they don’t make sense to me. Those pages are also of no help for me because I can’t find them. I put them down on my ADHD desk and they were swallowed up by mountains of debris months ago. Sigh. It’s such a nice desk, too. It was my Daddios drafting table when he was still an Architect. I used to sit at that table when I was a wee wittle Snaap and watch him make blueprints and use all of the shiny architectural templates, you know,  like the template for drawing a toilet.. that was my favorite one, of course.

 

Ths desk of no return.

The desk of no return.

 

And, since I am now on an ADHD tangent of shininess and butterflies, I give you the template in question…

 

A Template of toilets..

A Template of Toilets..

 

Shit! Anybody remember what the hell I was rambling on about? No? JERKS!

Anyhoooo, the biggest embarrassment I have whilst trying to be a hack blogger is when I confuse my words, and this confusion is how the title of this intriguing blog post was born.

Do you know how many times I confuse the words “adieu” and “ado”? Huh? DO YOU? No? You don’t know? Well then, allow me to tell you how many times I confuse the words “adieu” and “ado”….. EVERY FUCKING TIME, that’s how many times. Sigh. The saddest part is that I know better. Honest I do. I know that one means “goodbye” and that one means whatever it means when you say something like “and without further ado, blah blah blah”, yet I forget and use the wrong “ADIEU/ADO/AH-CHOO” every single god forsaken time! I am not certain why I am even here except to provide you all with a good laugh while you peruse this freak show of insanity and 3rd world literary skillz. I simply cannot go on living like this, y’all.

I blame you. Somehow it’s YOUR fault, I just know it.

You will be elated beyond your most perverted of porn dreams to know that I just ordered this, so we’ll see how it goes…

It should say "English Grammar for DUH-mmies"!! Sigh.

It should say “Grammar for DUH-mmies”!! Sigh.

That’s it. That’s all I gotz fer allY’all today. I think I should just stick to Vlogging, no tragic spelling or grammar skillz needed for that, I guess. Oh! Good idea, Ginger! If any of you shiny people have suggestions for my next Vlog, lemme know… I may just use your idea and take full credit for it myself!

You are MOST welcome!

32 thoughts on “Much Ado About My Tragic Grammar Skills

  1. I can’t spell either. And my math skills are so bad my kids teachers used to send home two worksheets… so I could learn me some numbers… when the kids were like in second grade. I don’t know my multiplication tables. So what is your point exactly. You still say more with bad spelling than a lot of people say with dictionarys stuck in their heads.

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