I’ve started working out again. I have been forced into this by a new friend I met on July 4th. She & I were the most high and very much esteemed judges for the 4th O July Parade Floats that went thru our little Township that morning. One minute it was all “Hi, nice to meet you”, and the next it was all “So, I will see you at 7 a.m. tomorrow to workout, right?’. WTF? She even convinced me to RUN, voluntarily, on the treadmill today. Now, I only ran for like, 1 minute and 78 seconds, but I RAN none the less. Yuck.
Today was another workout day. We decided to ‘sleep in’ and meet at 7:30 a.m. instead of our usual 7 a.m. I, with my entire being as well as the beings of the entire universe, LOATHE the early morning hours. I simply do not function well before, I dunno, Noon-ish?!? I usually don’t eat before I go which means I don’t take any of my meds, either. And did I tell you? My ADHD Doc changed my meds, I’ve been on a med-trial for the last 2 weeks. Whatever- that last point isn’t really relevant to this story, but I am telling you anyway. Deal with it.
We workout, blah blah blah, for about an hour, I decide I’m done when I can no longer feel my arms and proceed to leave. Now, we workout at the local YMCA. This YMCA has 2 parking lots- one on the south side of the building, one on the north side. They are not visible to one another. This fact will be important to remember, soooooooo, REMEMBER it.
I, being a bit of a shiny creature of habit, always park on the south side of the building and I pull my big/gas-guzzling/not eco friendly/green suburban through the parking spot because it’s a tight lot and backing out can be tricky. My workout partner parks on the north side of the building.
I walk out to my car and notice that, parked next to me on the passenger side, is a sad saaad, older model red Honda Civic that has obviously been involved in a car accident because the hood is bashed in and the front bumper is askew and I also notice it belongs to a High School kid cuz there was a sticker from our local High School on the front window. “Poor kid”, I thought to myself. I jump into my big green school bus and start her up, make a call to my mama, and proceed to pull out. Remember when I said I am not a morning person and wasn’t on any meds yet and a little bit distracted because I was chatting with my mama? Yeah, Oops. I may or may not have cut it a little too closely when I pulled forward out of the spot and I heard a loud scraping/crunching/screeching/plastic shattering kind of sound along the right side of my car, and I say, as I’m on the phone with mama, “What the FUCK did I just do?”. And do you know what I did? I, your most un-observant and ironically car accident free GingerSnaap, clipped the poor kids front side lite and tore it the rest of the way off with my bully big of a car and broke it into 22 pieces. Oops, again.
Well played Monday, well fucking played.
So I get out, take some photos of what I did, go inside & give my info to the front desk because the poor kid who owns the sad saaaad car is nowhere to be found, write down my info again & put it on the car window and then sit in the car and call the husband. He , of course, laughed at me. Whatever. I sat there chatting with him for a bit because I felt funny leaving the scene ‘of the crime’. As we spoke, and officer pulled up and I was so happy! I was thinking about calling the police but obviously someone else did that for me, or so I thought! He asked “did you call me?”. I told him I did not, but maybe the front desk ladies did since I was unsure what to do and nervous? Anyway, he was so nice and made a little report and took my official info/ social security number/ weight/ shoe size & bra size. Said he would locate the vehicles owner and stuff like that. Now, as he & I were discussing the damages, he kept getting calls on his walkie-talkie thingy and this is what he said as he responded to dispatch ” No, I am working on another accident in the YMCA parking lot, are you telling me there is another one?” Dispatch confirmed that the person who called him was on the north side of the lot, the one that is not visible to the south side lot. “Busy day here today”, he said. We both laughed- especially since I wasn’t the one who called him in the first place. Yet I felt better he was there because I didn’t want to get blamed for the damage on this kids hood & bumper, just the stupid side light that I tore off. He was done with me and rides off onto the north side of the building for accident number 2.
I have a hearty giggle at myself and then follow him over there because that is where I exit the lot. I turn the corner and notice another officer was already there dealing with the persons in question in addition to ‘my’ guy. Before I pull out of the lot, I notice something funny and I stop and park. ‘My’ officer is walking back to his car, sees me and stops. This is what I yell out of my window to him- “Hey! You see that lady with the yellow shirt on talking to your Police buddy about her car that has been sideswiped? Yeah, that is MY workout partner!We just left the building at the same damn time!”. He, I am not kidding you, puts his hand on his belly, throws his head back and starts cackling & howling in laughter. He then walks back over to his buddy and my friend, who had not seen me parked there yet, tells them what just happened on the south side of the building while pointing at me, and then his buddy starts to howl and laugh as well. My girlfriend is in disbelief and starts giggling too. Oy vey.
The moral of this captivating story?
GETTING UP EARLY AND WORKING OUT IS BAD FOR YOU.