I Promise, A Mature Love Pledge, cont…




Dearest Shiny Friends,

Today marks 16 years, all in a row, married to the same man, me, because I’m cool like that. Also because I need his paycheck.

Last year, on our 15 year anniversary, I wrote “I Promise, A Mature Love Pledge”  for Mountain Man, and this year, I am adding on to it!


So, without further adieu and/or endless rambling on from me trying to cleverly introduce this piece, I give you…




I Promise I won’t harass you for the amount of time you spend in the greenhouse, if you don’t harass me for the amount of time I spend on the computer.

I Promise to love you in the taken for granted and the not taken for granted, whether we are in therapy or not in therapy, during good hair days and bad hair days, and in plenty and in want, but mostly in the plenty because that ‘want’ shit sucks big unicorn balls.

I Promise to watch an entire world series game thingy if you promise to watch an entire season of Hercule Poirot with me.

I Promise to limit my granny panty wearing to 3 days per month if you promise to throw away your  boxer shorts that are full of holes because your ass looks better in boxer briefs and mine looks better in something other than granny panties.

I Promise to stop mentioning the ridiculous amount of money you spent on building the greenhouse if you would simply increase my shoe budget.

I Promise to increase the number of times I call you babycakes so that it outnumbers the amount of times I call you something not as nice.

I Promise to spend half as much on christmas this year for our kids in comparison to last year, or, at the very least, 4% less. Either way, it’s less than last years amount.

I Promise to think about considering going backpacking with you and sleeping in a tent that YOU will carry on YOUR back, along with all of the food we will be eating, in the next 12 years.

I Promise to stop telling people how ticklish you are while I say “Look, I’ll show you” as I demonstrate that you are, in fact, very ticklish.

I Promise to stop changing all of your online passwords when I am mad at you.

I Promise to let you visit the new REI store in town so you can have an Outdoor-Loving-BackPacking-Tree Hugging-Shopping Spree kind of orgasm.

I Promise to let you have a ‘Beer Shelf’ in the refrigerator.

I Promise to say “I’m sorry” after I finish laughing at your bed-head.

I Promise to like all of your status updates on FaceBook.

I Promise to giggle with you and not at you.


And now a few Thank You’s….


Thank You for going potty with the door closed and for using lysol when you are done.

Thank You for being your daughter’s first love.

Thank You for teaching your boys how to respect women.

Thank You for not giving up on us when I tried to give up on us.

Thank You for not giving up on me when I was ready to give up on me.

Thank You for thinking I am pretty even when I sometimes disagree with you.

Thank You for thinking I’m sex-aaay even when I’m wearing sweatpants and tube socks.

Thank You for dancing with me in the kitchen, especially when it makes our kids throw up a little bit in their mouths.

Thank You for sending me on shopping sprees when I am feeling stressed.

Thank You for standing up for our  ADHD son when it comes to the chaos at school.

Thank You for being the best prom date ever.

Thank You for letting your hair stay long because I like it that way.

Thank You for working hard so that I can stay home with our Flesh Eaters.

Thank You for bringing me flowers ‘just because’ and not when I’m mad at you since that pisses me off even more.

Thank You for always giving in to my pouty face.

Thank You for giving me butterflies when you kiss my neck.


Thank You for being YOU and for letting me be ME! Cheers to US and to many, many more years of aggravating the hell out of one another!


Thank You for having fun with me.